As a huge amount of snow is heading towards the Northeast I got to thinking about my feelings towards snow. As the shoveling of it is clearly going to cause my father's death one day via heart attack, I hold a pretty negative opinion already. My relationship with snow can best be characterized as a Fuck Buddy.
I want my FB only when I am damn well in the mood. So usually on December 24th at like 3AM when I'm kind of drunk I'm like "Hey Snow, what are you wearing?" and Snow is like "Hey Baby, I'll come over" and I'm like "Sweet." Because everyone knows Snow before Christmas is fair game. Sometimes you even spend all day with it, known as a Snow Day, both of you have a fantastic time and things are pretty serious.
But after Christmas its getting a littttttttle clingy when Snow is all up in your face and you just want to play outside and drive fast and not get raped by a snowplow that you barely heard coming. Around mid-January Snow texts you like "Hey can I come chill?" and I'm like "Nahhh I think I'm just gonna hang with the bros tonight" and Snow is like "So I'll call you next week?" and I have to let Snow down easily like "Snow listen. We had a great time in December and things were just amazing but right now I don't need you or want you anymore. I didnt really like you in the first place, I was just using you for Christmas. I'm hoping Spring comes around soon and we can hook up. So... sorry" And trust me, Snow does not take break-ups well. So for the next 3 months Snow ruins your life by telling Spring you have STD's and stuff and that all along you were in love with Spring's roommate, Summer. But like any good FB, Snow is always down for an F, so next winter when you are bored and need some winter action, Snow will be there.
--MM--
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