George Steinbrenner, Self-Portrait
Oh Yankees. You silly bitches. Have you not learned that overpaying for free agents has not won you any championships? Like zero. You were a dynasty from 1996-2000 due to player development and savvy front office moves. Not breaking the bank and taking risks. Giving A.J. 5 guaranteed years is as dangerous as letting Michael Jackson be the MC of a preschool graduation. Its just not safe. He has a history of injury problems, only making 30 starts ONCE in his career, so hes pretty much spent less time on the field than the Kissing Bandit in the 70s. CC Sabathia is a Happy Meal away from 3-hundo and is not taking up the South Beach diet anytime soon. Chien-Ming Wang has a hilarious last name when pronounced incorrectly, so that doesn't help either. The Yankees are so desperate I cant even imagine what they will do next. I would not be surprised to wake up and see a headline about how the Yankees used DNA from Marilyn Monroe's old panties to reincarnate Joe DiMaggio. It just would not shock me. A super-team made up of deceased old Yankees. They could offer Babe Ruth $20,000, 67 cigars, and 23 bottles of Jack, and a few of these and he would think he was REALLY in heaven. They want to get younger and more "athletic". I would not put it past them to sign Michael Phelps, possibly as a designated swimmer. But hey what can you do? We wont complain. It will make it all just that much laughable when they are on the outside looking into the playoffs and the Sox are popping champagne and sleeping with many, MANY Boston bar bimbos (Hep C included).
--MM--
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