Greedy Varitek signs for cheap contract

Well, well, well Mr. Varitek. Does the saying, "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" ring a bell? You declined an $11 million offer for some reason nobody will ever understand. By doing so, you screwed yourself over royally and by doing so helped out the good ole Sox of Red.

First of all, you should never have gotten nearly close to $11 million per year. Justice is served. You're obviously a terrible business man if you didn't jump all over that deal. Did you see your numbers last year. Christ, I'm starting to think $5 million is too much!

I'm glad we have a catcher, and one for cheap. But to be honest, the idea of getting Taylor Teagarden or Jared Saltalamachia makes my mouth water. I'll take Varitek for one more year at $5 million and then the Sox will decline his second year when he sucks at hitting as much as he did last year. Then, we will trade for a big name catcher most likely.

Great guy to call pitches (so they say), terrible hitter, terrible at throwing out baserunners. He's only getting older and slower. Can we make Youk or Pedroia our captain? Beckett? Lester? Someone maybe who doesnt reject loads of money (in a recession mind you) and then angirly settle for a cheap contract? That my friends, is not a leader.

Varitek is starting to really piss me off. Sure he's been here for two World Series championships, and for that I'll always be thankful. But this offseason with him speaks volumes about who he is now on the field and off the field. Just another greedy washed up player. Prove me wrong Varitek, prove me wrong.

--JT--

The Weekly Matt-ire 1/29/09

Believe it or not I do have a day job. Its writing dope ass articles for my school's online publication. Every week expect some insanely random melding of sports and popular culture and my thoughts that keep me up at night into a semi-coherent article. Here's an excerpt...

"The Matt-ire is back! Winter break came and went about as fast as Vin Diesel's popularity. It was a whirlwind of cookies, pies, awkward conversations with the cousins ("so you're still in college… cool man… I guess I'll see you at Easter) and fake gift reactions (Oh thanks Grandma! I really wanted a Jonas Brothers bedroom set!") The sports world has also been out of control, so here are my quick hit thoughts on important Boston sports stuff that went down since the last edition of the Matt-ire…"

Check it out this week... probably one of my better efforts.

ESPN's Super Bowl XLIII Mega Chat with... Jared from Subway?

So I'm perusing around ESPN.com just now and I see that they are running a chat all day long. Pretty cool stuff I think. I enjoy reading them, and I've submitted a few questions before but have never gotten them answered.

Anyways, I take a look at who is on board for the chat. Here is the list:

10am: Morning Buzz
11:30am: Jared from Subway
12:30pm: Giants RB Brandon Jacobs
1pm: Former Giant Michael Strahan
1:30pm: Former NFL player Warren Sapp
2:30pm: Saints QB Drew Brees
3:15pm: Lions WR Calvin Johnson
3:30pm: NFL blogger Bill Williamson
4pm: Football Scientist KC Joyner
4:45pm: NFL great Archie Manning

They've got some pretty good names in there. Personally I wouldn't waste my time asking any of these guys any questions, but of course there are people out there who would. One name, however, did stand out above all of them: Jared from Subway at 11:30am.

Are you kidding me with this? Jared, the fat guy who magically ate more subway subs and got skinny, is on ESPN.com chat for the Super Bowl? This is a travesty and an outrage and doesn't even begin to make sense. Who in their right mind wants to talk to this bumb. Jared, my man, we get it. You're not fat anymore. Why show up to the Super Bowl and flaunt it? Football fans in general don't care much about their health, and last time I went to a tailgate, people weren't sitting around a grill eating $5 dollar foot longs. Is he going to try to convince everyone that 6 inch tuna subs from Subway are the best Super Bowl snack? Give me a break. ESPN couldn't find ANYONE else besides Jared from Subway to take 20 minutes out of their time and answer a few questions? I want to know how the conversation went before deciding on Jared. Was it like, "Sir this chat is in 10 minutes and we have no guest.. what do we do here?" "Hmm, damnit we are in a bind, hey whats the name of that man on the Subway commercials? He thinks people are proud of him and stuff, whats his name?" "...Jared, sir..." "Yeah! Get him on there." "Are you sure sir? I mean he has zero football knowledge." "I've got a good feeling about this..."

Naturally I had to look and see what people could possibly be saying to this guy. Here are some "questions":

Evan (Phoenix): Who do you want to be with in your next commercial?

Jared: (11:28 AM ET ) I just did one with Michael Phelps. It hasn't run yet. It was fun. My dream would be Peyton Manning.
------ Stop the presses. Jared from Subway and Michael Phelps are in the same commercial together!!! This has the potential to be the worst commercial in the history of media. I mean, you can't find two bigger tools in their respective areas of study. Also, we have learned that Peyton Manning would be Jared's dream... whatever that means Jared.

Greg (Boston): Good for you, you lost weight and turned it into a job, next!!!!
------ Ah yes, the typical sarcastic/bitter Boston fan comes through with the best comment in the chat!

Steiny (NYC): So, Jared, do you eat at Subway?

Jared: (11:32 AM ET ) My favorite now is the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki. I still eat it about twice a week. The best thing about my job is that I don't have to pay for it.
------ Hold on a second here. The best thing about your job is that you don't have to pay for it? How does that even begin to make sense? Who pays for their job in the first place? If what you were trying to get at is that because you work for Subway you don't pay for the subs, then join the millions of other workers who steal from their restaurants on a daily basis. What a turd.

Ryan (Delaware): How many tickets to the super bowl did you get? Who are you bringing?
Jared: (11:32 AM ET ) Yeah. Luckily I've gotten to go the next four years. This year as well.
------??? Way to answer the question Jared... Ryan, let me answer the question for you. Jared got one ticket to the Super Bowl, and he is taking nobody. All his fat friends hate him now, and he never had skinny friends.

Andrew (Detroit): Who do you think the Lions should take with the first overall pick? Please don't say Micheal Crabtree......
Jared: (11:37 AM ET ) They're going to need more help then they have. They need the first 10 picks.
------ Translation: I don't know a single player in the NFL Draft this year.

So there you have it folks, riveting stuff from Jared. If you still aren't prepared for the Super Bowl after this chat, you never will be.

--JT--

Kessell set to return tonight

New Bruins article by yours truly up on the Suffolk Voice.

"The first place Boston Bruins will host the New Jersey Devils tonight at the TD BankNorth Garden. The Bruins come into the game with 73 points, tied for best in the entire league. The Devils are third in the Eastern Conference with 63 points."

To read the rest if the article, click here.

--JT--

Marbury needs to stop, Celtics need a center, I need a drink

The things Patrick O'Bryant can do with a basketball: Palm the ball

Marbury, Marbury, Marbury...

What a tangled web we weave, hmm?

Or should I say in your case, what a gigantic line of cocaine we snort.

I said it before, and I'll say it again. There is no place for Stephon Marbury on this Celtics team. Why on God's great earth do we need this poor excuse of a human being? The guy is everything that the Celtics are not.

Last time I checked, Rajon Rondo and Eddie House were doing just fine at the point guard spot. And since we have been absolutely curb stomping opponents lately, we've gotten a fair share of Gabe Pruitt as well. Why the hell do we need Stephon Marbury on the sidelines checking out the Celtics dancers all night? Christ, Lucky the leprechaun would be a better fit for this team, and that guy is a jerk.

Did he talk to the Celtics? Did he not? Do the Celtics want him? Do they not? Who knows? Marbury sure as hell doesn't. The guy hasn't read a book his entire life most likely. He doesn't know how a business is run. He doesn't know how to win. He doesn't know how to spell win. I can go on forever on why this is a poor choice.

You know what we DO need? A CENTER! A BIG MAN! SOMEONE WHO CAN CLOG THE PAINT!

It was reported that Brian Scalabrine got a concussion today because he bumped heads with completely incompetent Patrick O'Bryant. This doesn't surprise me at all. Doc Rivers basically asked for this to happen. When you put two of the most unathletic and uncoordinated big men on the court at the same time, you are asking for a potential season ending injury. Hell, if you put Patrick O'Bryant on the court with ANYONE you are asking for it. If Patrick O'Bryant and God are playing basketball together, somehow God gets injured accidently, guarantee.

I have never seen a more useless big man in my life as a Celtics fan, and I was a fan during the Vin Baker years and the tail end Pervis Ellison years. You show me any Center more useless than Patrick O'bryant over the last 15 years and I'll show you a liar. When we signed this guy, I was willing to give him a shot, but now I want someone to just shoot/stab him in the hand or leg. Some place where he won't die but will be out for the season... I'm kidding obviously, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. But seriously, I'm not... Or am I?

It sucks that Scals is injured (never thought I'd say that) because we were already thin at the PF/C position. I honestly don't know what to do about this situation. Joe Smith maybe? Beg PJ Brown to come back? I'm out of ideas. I guess we could trade our young guys for a big man near the deadline but I do love Giddens and Walker so I don't know. I do know that Ainge needs to publicly come out and say, "We have zero interest in Stephon Marbury."

I'm freaking out about this, I need to calm down with a tall glass of scotch on the rocks, with ice.

--JT--

Celtics dominate Magic

Not much to say here.

The Celtics are obviously back on track.

The Magic are who we thought they were!!!

They're too one dimensional. Live by the three, die by the three.

Celtics are still a top three team in the league (in my opinion still the best even though they lost to the Lakers and Cavs away. Wait for the Lakers game in Boston everyone).

I keep accidently hitting the caps lock button because i'm not sober and it's really annoying so this post is ending now. Go Celtics, Go Bruins.

P.S. Vegas came out with the odds for NFL teams to win the Super Bowl next year and to no surprise to any Patriots fan we are the favorites to win. Was there really any doubt? We were a shoe in before Brady went down, and next year he will be back and just as healthy as ever. Not to mention we went 11-5 without him... Can't wait.

P.S.S. Pitchers and Catchers report to spring training in like three weeks. It doesn't get any better than this.

Also, the Westfield State hockey players are a bunch of jokers. Somehow Suffolk blew it tonight but Westfield better pray that we dont play them in the playoffs because if so its an early exit for Westfield State.

--JT--

Suck-holz

Obviously not practicing pitching because he is so bad...

Since we are on the subject of baseball (and actually back to blogging) I need to get something off my chest.

(Rips unidentified object off chest) AAAAAARRRRRGHHHHH!!!

OK wow that thing was like sucking my blood or something. Anyway now I can concentrate and I need to say something. The Red Sox are being stupid. They have given Clay Buchholz enough opportunity to prove he can be a pitcher at the major league level. They should SELL HIGH on this dude right now... like today... like five minutes ago. Send him to the Rangers for Jarrod Saltalamacchia and probably a lower level minor leaguer. They wont regret it! He will flounder in the bandbox confines of Arlington, thus removing any blame or doubt from upper management, and by the time he goes to his 3rd destination (presuming he actually pitches well) no one will remember he was ours! Then, in the meantime, we have a fucking STUD for a catcher for the next 6-8 years who hits for power and has developing defensive skills.

Everyone just needs to get over the Buchholz honeymoon because he threw a no hitter against the ORIOLES. Leo DiCaprio from What's Eating Gilbert Grape throws a no-hitter against them in a deleted scene for christ sakes! But we all know what's going to happen. Hes gonna get another chance and SUCK some more and then we are gonna trade him finally in 2011 for a macaroni necklace and 68 pennies that were smushed by a train. For shame Theo, for shame.

P.S. - Varitek sucks and he declined arbitration so he deserves to not play this year for being a complete moron and passing up $10MM to try his luck on the worst market in recent history. Plus hes just a bad player.

--MM--

Papelbon signs for $6.25 mil

ESPN reports that Jonathan Papelbon and the Red Sox avoided arbitration and agreed to a one-year $6.25 million contract. To put that in perspective, Bobby Jenks just signed one year deal for somewhere around $5.5 mil. I'd say the Sox should be happy with this signing.

Unlike the Yankees, we have players on our team ALREADY, that we want to REMAIN on our team. We don't go out and break the bank for fat overrated pitchers or lame cleanup hitters (Say what you want about Teixeira, the guy is a tool).

Re-sign Pedroia? Check.

Re-sign Youkilis? Check.

Re-sign Papelbon? Check.

Don't re-sign Varitek? Check.

I've said it before, I wanted a starting pitcher and a catcher. We didn't get Lowe which sucked, but I'm willing to give Penny and Smoltz a chance. Who knows, maybe Bucholz will live up to the hype as well. It's not looking like we're getting a stud catcher anytime soon, but honestly it's not a big deal. If the dude can catch the ball and throw the occasional runner out, he's good enough for me. Varitek had a great stretch and I thank him for his years here, but unless he's willing to a) sign for cheap, and b) split time with Bard, I'm fine with him leaving.

I will also say this: Jonathan Papelbon will go to the highest bidder. The Sox got away with a one year deal from him this year, but the dude is young and he's out to make money. If the Sox will pay him enough, then he'll stay. If not, he's gone. He knows he deserves to be the highest paid closer and so does everyone else. I'd be very very surprised if Papelbon signed a long term deal with the Sox, as I'm sure he wants to test the free agent market.

I love Papelbon, but he's not a Pedroia or Youkilis. Pedroia and Youk would take a hometown discount to stay here, Papelbon, I'm not so sure. The truth is nobody knows what Papelbon is thinking. The guy is borderline crazy. He's the Kevin Garnett of MLB. I think he blacks out when he's out on the diamond and just lets instinct take over. Legend has it Papelbon made Jack Bauer cry...

Regardless, this Sox team is still looking strong going into next year. There's no doubt the AL East will be the strongest division in the league and one team will definitely get screwed out of the playoffs. Here's to hoping it's the Yanks.

--JT--

Ohhh right, the blog!

"Yeahhhh boiiiiiiiiii"

Sorry it's been so long since the last post, been doing a lot of guest spots on ESPN, FSN, etc. Nope, I haven't. In fact, I've been spending the last week wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life. Anyways, a lot has happened since my last post nine days ago.

For one thing, the Celtics are back. I went to the game against the Suns last night and it was really not a contest from start to finish. I showed up like five minutes late and by that time the Celtics were already up by 10. That was the closest I saw it as Rondo made a bitch out of Nash all night long. I can honestly say that Rajon Rondo dominates Steve Nash more than any other point guard in the league.

You know when you realize you're sucking at something but can't do anything about it so you just start looking around angrily at other people and act like the problem is everyone else? That was EXACTLY Steve Nash last night. At one point during the second quarter, Rondo sliced and diced to the basket on Nash and put in one of those dipsy-do layups, all while Steve Nash stood there with his arms in the air. Thats the Rondo I got used to watching during that winning streak, not the one who started to suck during/after the Lakers loss.

Question: Why do you have to be 25 to buy beer at the TD BankNorth Garden if you aren't from Massachusetts? You don't have to be 25 to drink, just to buy? How does that make any sense? The Celtics obviously get fans from other states than Mass., so why make that a rule? If I go to the game with friends from Massachusetts, they can buy beer, but I can't? Thats stupid. All that means is I look like a d-bag handing my friends cash to go by me beer. I'm pretty sure thats not a rule at Fenway, and they don't have any problems with drinking there.......

--JT--

Never Drinking Again

Seriously how many times have you said this? While I'm sitting here this morning, my head pounding more than Brangelina on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, I resolve to NEVER DRINK AGAIN! Last night was filled with alcohol of all types, slithering down my waiting esophagus into my stomach, and then eventually crawling back up. I jest... I did not puke last night but I have many times before. After nights like this, and possibly a large number of embarassing moments, we all vow to never drink again. But how serious is that vow? I feel it never makes it past the weekend, and here we are Sunday morning, feeling the same physical aches and "OMGWHOTHEFUCKDIDITEXT?" remorse. At this moment, I really feel like I could enjoy a life of clear-headedness and humility without the tender caress of the bottle... but I know soon as I get into a bar and that bumping Brit Spears song gets into my ear drums, and I am surrounded by friends of all kinds, I will not be able to keep my promise. What it comes down to really, is it worth the day long hangover and lethargy the next day, for approximately 5 hours of pure bliss... hell yeah it is. So drink up, and meet me at my house for SpongeBob, greasy food, and gatorade the next day to recover.

--MM--

Aaaaaand we're back

:Stretttttcchhhhhhhhh:

Wooo, that was quite the slumber. Well, after that Christmas vacation I'm happy to say I'm back and ready to devote 100% of my time to the blog- when I'm not busy with everything else. That being said, be ready for the daily updates you were so used to before our little break.

Guess who isn't back? Josh McDaniels, Offensive Coordinator of the Patriots the past two years and a key contributor to the Patriots' success for the past eight years or so. ESPN Reports:

The Denver Broncos have reached agreement to name New England offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels their new head coach, team sources told ESPN senior NFL analyst Chris Mortensen on Sunday.

McDaniels, 32, replaces Mike Shanahan, who was fired Dec. 30 after 14 years on the job. The team is expected to announce the deal on Monday.

Broncos owner Pat Bowlen sent COO Joe Ellis to Boston Thursday for a lengthy second interview with McDaniels, who, according to sources, was one of two finalists along with Vikings defensive coordinator Leslie Frazier.

McDaniels becomes the third member of Belichick's coaching staff to be named an NFL head coach in recent years, following Romeo Crennel, who took over Cleveland in 2005 and was fired after this past season, and Eric Mangini, who went to the Jets in 2006. Mangini was also fired after this season and has since been named to replace Crennel in Cleveland.

McDaniels has worked in the NFL for eight seasons, all with New England. He joined the Patriots on March 1, 2001 as a personnel assistant in the scouting department and assisted the defensive coaching staff for three seasons. He began serving as the Patriots' quarterbacks coach in 2004 and was named offensive coordinator/quarterbacks coach on Jan. 20, 2006.

McDaniels began his coaching career in 1999 as a graduate assistant at Michigan State, working under head coach Nick Saban.

Boo hoo hoo I'm so upset. Another Belichick minyan off to screw up another team. I'm not sure why teams haven't figured out that it's not the assistant coaches or the players, its the head coach Bill Belichick himself. How many assistant coaches under Belichick have to fail, and how many players have to leave the team and then suck, for people to realize that it is the system not the person. Hell, Matt Cassel can go from high school prom king to 14 mil per year QB.

This really isn't a big deal, and I'm sure there will be people who will argue that it is, but I mean, come on... you can't tell me that Brady, Moss, Welker, etc. won't perform just as well without Josh McDaniels as offensive coordinator. No argument will convince me of this.

For the record, Miami's playoff performance was an embarassment to the AFC East. The fact that they made the playoffs over the Pats is a sin.

--JT--

Worker accidentally spills pills into cake batter

"Please consult your physician before eating..."

CHESHIRE, Conn. – The Connecticut Department of Development Services has placed an employee on administrative leave after prescription pills were found in a cake served at a home for disabled people. Department spokeswoman Joan Barnish said the worker will be on leave while the agency investigates Sunday's incident. The employee's name has not been released. Five residents of the home who ate the cake on Sunday were taken to area hospitals, but Barnish said none of them suffered any ill effects. Barnish said the pills were an antihistamine. State police said the employee told them that a bottle of her prescription medication spilled while she was making the cake, but she didn't realize that some of the pills fell into the batter. No criminal charges have been filed.

Only in Connecticut would this happen. People just get bored with their trust funds, indoor swimming pools, and beluga caviar and decide to murder poor little old helpless disabled individuals. There are so many fucked up country club level adults and kids in CT that everyone's medicine cabinet looks like a CVS and Rite Aid had sex inside of them. So somebody takes a bottle to work to just "make it though the day", and seriously "antihistamine" my ass everyone knows these were Quaaludes. The residents were just trying to safely enjoy Big Jeffie's 34th birthday with some sing-a-longs and hallway bowling and now they get caught up in a shameful scandal like this.

P.S. -- The home needs to really chill out on this because even if I ate a few allergy pills by accident nothing would happen at all and I certainly wouldn't go to the hospital and risk getting made fun of by the other residents when I got home during nap/milk time.

What the hell is going on?

What the hell is going on with the Celtics? What the hell is going on with the Bruins? Where the hell have Moretti and I been?

Three questions that will remain unanswered because quite frankly I have no idea. We're on Christmas break, which means we eat, drink, and be merry. None of that requires blogging. I know what your also thinking, "Ha, I knew this blog would fade out in a couple weeks, riiight on schedule."

EHHHH wrong! Listen folks, I probably picked a bad time to go on my mini vacation, seeing as the Celtics are finally losing and I can add some professional insight into the situation, but facts are facts, and I don't want to blog about a game if I can't be 100% on my own game. Also, I promised myself I'd never blog under the influence of anything, and when you're on vacation in New England, and your heat happens to be electric ($$$), you've got to stay warm in more economical ways.

As far as Moretti's absence, I can't speak for him but I can only assume he's chasing the most absurd stories he can come across.

The bottom line is as soon as school starts back up next week we will be back to regularly scheduled posts throughout the day. Until then, check back daily anyways just to get in the habit of doing so.

America's Best Neighbor

She obviously wouldn't be borrowing birth control...


Sarah Palin most desirable celebrity neighbor
Tue Dec 30, 2:06 pm ET
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – If they had to live next door to a celebrity, American adults would most like to be neighbors with Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and chat show host Oprah Winfrey.
But trouble-prone pop star Britney Spears would be the worst celebrity neighbour, according to a survey published on Tuesday of the most and least desirable well-known faces Americans would have in their backyard. Republican vice presidential candidate Palin topped the poll of most desirable celebrity neighbors with 14 percent, closely followed by Winfrey, who was particularly popular with women. Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps was heavily favored by men but came in third with 9 percent overall. Paparazzi-magnets such as Spears, actress Lindsay Lohan and British couple David and Victoria Beckham apparently don't make the best neighbors. Spears, who was followed day and night by packs of photographers for much of 2008, was voted the least desirable neighbour by 19 percent of adults, followed by Rosie O'Donnell (18 percent), Joe the Plumber (8 percent), who made headlines in the final stages of the U.S. presidential elections, and Lohan (7 percent). Only two per cent of those asked wanted to live next door to soccer player Beckham and his singer wife Victoria. The poll was commissioned by real estate Web site Zillow.com between Dec 15-17 with 2,196 Americans aged over 18.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with America. Sarah Palin living next door would be a nightmare. Imagine all the late-night ho-downs going on next door, and of course the 80% chance she accidentally shoots your pet/baby when she is messing around with her shotgun. Plus having to listen to her voice for more than 3 seconds would cause me to go all Sammy L. Jackson from Suburbia on her ass. Lohan would be a great neighbor, tons of parties and always the possibility she is just in nympho-mode and snags me in her house while I'm mowing my lawn or something (a guy can dream right?) The Beckhams would be cool, and the dinner parties would be way hot, but I wouldn't be able to deal with my wife having to see David Beckham like every day and constantly comparing me to him. Oprah would be an awesome neighbor, with the chance of being giving a random gift by her always in the open ("Oh hey Matt, are you cleaning snow off your car? Well since you are my neighbor I am giving everyone on our street a brand new Range Rover! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!") I would also love to live next to the Girls Next Door, lets just say I would be out of sugar or milk every available afternoon.

--MM--

Happy New Years!

happy new year everyone!

Hopefully this year isn't filled with as much hatred, war, bigotry, racism, sexism, and global warming. Damn, we are screwed... Anyways, keep reading the blog. This year will be filled with amazing, new, creative blog entries that you wont' be able to read anywhere else- so stay tuned!

New years resolution: Get our blog picked up by some important company, or atleast have me and moretti signed to a bigger and better blog/website to report on what we report on best: random shit. Here's a toast to that.

Anyways, hope everyone had a safe and happy new year. If you're safe, you're reading this blog. If you have a hangover, you still might be reading this blog. If you decided to drink and drive and got in a car accident and put yourself and others in danger then don't read our blog, because your kind isn't wanted here. Even if you drank and drove and didn't get in an accident we don't want you reading this blog. On second thought, nevermind, thats probably half of our readers. 2009 is the year of theolecollegetry.

--JT--