So I'm perusing around ESPN.com just now and I see that they are running a chat all day long. Pretty cool stuff I think. I enjoy reading them, and I've submitted a few questions before but have never gotten them answered.
Anyways, I take a look at who is on board for the chat. Here is the list:
10am: Morning Buzz
11:30am: Jared from Subway
12:30pm: Giants RB Brandon Jacobs
1pm: Former Giant Michael Strahan
1:30pm: Former NFL player Warren Sapp
2:30pm: Saints QB Drew Brees
3:15pm: Lions WR Calvin Johnson
3:30pm: NFL blogger Bill Williamson
4pm: Football Scientist KC Joyner
4:45pm: NFL great Archie Manning
They've got some pretty good names in there. Personally I wouldn't waste my time asking any of these guys any questions, but of course there are people out there who would. One name, however, did stand out above all of them: Jared from Subway at 11:30am.
Are you kidding me with this? Jared, the fat guy who magically ate more subway subs and got skinny, is on ESPN.com chat for the Super Bowl? This is a travesty and an outrage and doesn't even begin to make sense. Who in their right mind wants to talk to this bumb. Jared, my man, we get it. You're not fat anymore. Why show up to the Super Bowl and flaunt it? Football fans in general don't care much about their health, and last time I went to a tailgate, people weren't sitting around a grill eating $5 dollar foot longs. Is he going to try to convince everyone that 6 inch tuna subs from Subway are the best Super Bowl snack? Give me a break. ESPN couldn't find ANYONE else besides Jared from Subway to take 20 minutes out of their time and answer a few questions? I want to know how the conversation went before deciding on Jared. Was it like, "Sir this chat is in 10 minutes and we have no guest.. what do we do here?" "Hmm, damnit we are in a bind, hey whats the name of that man on the Subway commercials? He thinks people are proud of him and stuff, whats his name?" "...Jared, sir..." "Yeah! Get him on there." "Are you sure sir? I mean he has zero football knowledge." "I've got a good feeling about this..."
Naturally I had to look and see what people could possibly be saying to this guy. Here are some "questions":
Evan (Phoenix): Who do you want to be with in your next commercial?
Jared: (11:28 AM ET ) I just did one with Michael Phelps. It hasn't run yet. It was fun. My dream would be Peyton Manning.
------ Stop the presses. Jared from Subway and Michael Phelps are in the same commercial together!!! This has the potential to be the worst commercial in the history of media. I mean, you can't find two bigger tools in their respective areas of study. Also, we have learned that Peyton Manning would be Jared's dream... whatever that means Jared.
Greg (Boston): Good for you, you lost weight and turned it into a job, next!!!!
------ Ah yes, the typical sarcastic/bitter Boston fan comes through with the best comment in the chat!
Steiny (NYC): So, Jared, do you eat at Subway?
Jared: (11:32 AM ET ) My favorite now is the Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki. I still eat it about twice a week. The best thing about my job is that I don't have to pay for it.
------ Hold on a second here. The best thing about your job is that you don't have to pay for it? How does that even begin to make sense? Who pays for their job in the first place? If what you were trying to get at is that because you work for Subway you don't pay for the subs, then join the millions of other workers who steal from their restaurants on a daily basis. What a turd.
Ryan (Delaware): How many tickets to the super bowl did you get? Who are you bringing?
Jared: (11:32 AM ET ) Yeah. Luckily I've gotten to go the next four years. This year as well.
------??? Way to answer the question Jared... Ryan, let me answer the question for you. Jared got one ticket to the Super Bowl, and he is taking nobody. All his fat friends hate him now, and he never had skinny friends.
Andrew (Detroit): Who do you think the Lions should take with the first overall pick? Please don't say Micheal Crabtree......
Jared: (11:37 AM ET ) They're going to need more help then they have. They need the first 10 picks.
------ Translation: I don't know a single player in the NFL Draft this year.
So there you have it folks, riveting stuff from Jared. If you still aren't prepared for the Super Bowl after this chat, you never will be.
--JT--
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