America's Best Neighbor

She obviously wouldn't be borrowing birth control...


Sarah Palin most desirable celebrity neighbor
Tue Dec 30, 2:06 pm ET
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – If they had to live next door to a celebrity, American adults would most like to be neighbors with Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and chat show host Oprah Winfrey.
But trouble-prone pop star Britney Spears would be the worst celebrity neighbour, according to a survey published on Tuesday of the most and least desirable well-known faces Americans would have in their backyard. Republican vice presidential candidate Palin topped the poll of most desirable celebrity neighbors with 14 percent, closely followed by Winfrey, who was particularly popular with women. Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps was heavily favored by men but came in third with 9 percent overall. Paparazzi-magnets such as Spears, actress Lindsay Lohan and British couple David and Victoria Beckham apparently don't make the best neighbors. Spears, who was followed day and night by packs of photographers for much of 2008, was voted the least desirable neighbour by 19 percent of adults, followed by Rosie O'Donnell (18 percent), Joe the Plumber (8 percent), who made headlines in the final stages of the U.S. presidential elections, and Lohan (7 percent). Only two per cent of those asked wanted to live next door to soccer player Beckham and his singer wife Victoria. The poll was commissioned by real estate Web site Zillow.com between Dec 15-17 with 2,196 Americans aged over 18.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with America. Sarah Palin living next door would be a nightmare. Imagine all the late-night ho-downs going on next door, and of course the 80% chance she accidentally shoots your pet/baby when she is messing around with her shotgun. Plus having to listen to her voice for more than 3 seconds would cause me to go all Sammy L. Jackson from Suburbia on her ass. Lohan would be a great neighbor, tons of parties and always the possibility she is just in nympho-mode and snags me in her house while I'm mowing my lawn or something (a guy can dream right?) The Beckhams would be cool, and the dinner parties would be way hot, but I wouldn't be able to deal with my wife having to see David Beckham like every day and constantly comparing me to him. Oprah would be an awesome neighbor, with the chance of being giving a random gift by her always in the open ("Oh hey Matt, are you cleaning snow off your car? Well since you are my neighbor I am giving everyone on our street a brand new Range Rover! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!") I would also love to live next to the Girls Next Door, lets just say I would be out of sugar or milk every available afternoon.

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